my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
