I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So vagazzling was a success
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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