Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
