I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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