census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
