people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
