If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
