I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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