fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
