I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
