see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
