margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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