question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
