Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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