How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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