Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
