how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
