we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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