i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
