In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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