I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
