i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
where am i from again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
