Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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