they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
