i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
