i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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