I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
