Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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