I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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