She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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