i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
