so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
