I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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