He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
