Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize