well you can't waste a boner
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
