why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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