Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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