My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
