You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize