hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
