she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
