Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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