She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
