Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ugly people sure do ruin things
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The best walk of shames are on the highway
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
