Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
