Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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