I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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