a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize