I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
