PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize