Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
