So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
