i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
