does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize