Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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