and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize