the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
