I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
