): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
FUCK WHALES
I smell like Dick and happiness
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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