Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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