Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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