he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
