imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
