Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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