but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
