I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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