Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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