I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
