I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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