Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
