I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
