I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
