Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
